 |  1732033 | Oct 8, 2006 2:10pm | I'm suprised that no one brought up the topic of actually giving labor. I've heard terrible stories about it, which an sich are enough reason not to have children.
Next to that, I have to agree with some of the arguments stated above:
*) I'm too selfish. I want to do what I want, when I want. This includes "There's no way I'm going to work all day with children to come home and deal with them when I get there too."
*) They smell, cry, whine, and all that.
*) I don't feel like being responsible for some one for the rest of my life.
*) I don't like them, and they don't like me either.
*) And ofcourse; it's crowded enough allready. |
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|  NexStitch | Aug 16, 2007 10:34pm | | I was in the store the other day and saw that someone let their kids run around playing, screaming, and making a commotion...with a ball...in the supermarket. I was standing online observing them running around the produce isle (the poor produce) while the parents stood in line waiting to pay. I leaned over to my fiancé and said to him in a tone of seeking continual confirmation: "We're definitely not having kids, right?" "Right," he said back more than affirmatively to which I responded, "Then add that to the list of reasons why we're not having any." |
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Sponsor |  paralax999 | Oct 13, 2007 9:47pm | glad to see this group here, i've been searching for it for some time now, and this seems like a good forum to introduce myself to ya'll.
i've never wanted children. i can remember being in second grade and telling the little girls who wanted to play house that i wasn't ever gonna have kids. i almost got a vasectomy at 25, but i stopped when my dad said it was a decision that shouldn't be made outside of relationship. seemed to stop me in my tracks at the time, so i didn't go through with it, as i always think about a good point. now, i don't date anyone who wants kids, so i'm gonna do it for my birthday next year. don't want to end up with one by "mistake."
but i never really thought about the reasons until i hit my thirties, when the girlfriends started getting freaked out by the certainty of my decision. frankly it was so much a part of my makeup that i had never really defined the thing.
the first thing i noticed was that the reasons were not related to not liking kids, in fact the opposite. i think kids are great. i'm a teacher and hang out with them everyday almost. i relate to kids. i love the way they challenge the adult world, make us look at how uptight we have become. i love their imagination and access to feelings. i enjoy the rebellious nature of teens, the inquisitive nature of their minds, and their lack of social restraint. but i still don't want any.
i raised my half-brother from birth. i feed him, held him, taught him how to walk, gave him his first scar, showed him how to be kind. i learned that having a child is a major life changing responsibility, not to be taken lightly. when you have a child, they become your life.
and that i think is the main reason i don't want children. i want my life to be my own. perhaps some would call this selfish. with 6 billion people in the world and 300 million of them being wasteful, consuming, violent americans, i would respectfully disagree. the planet doesn't need me to reproduce.
which leads me to my second reason for making the choice. i consider myself to be an environmentalist, and quite frankly the worst environmental problem is overpopulation. why am i going to bring another person in the world, especially an american, when it will bring so much to an already strained planet? just to feed my ego need to replicate myself because i would make such a great parent? i think not.
and this overpopulation problem, it's gonna lead to a hellava next century. things are not gonna be nice real soon, like it or not. and i'm gonna bring kids into that? talk about selfish.
my mom says that having a family is one of the great experiences of life. i'm sure that it is. kids can teach us quite a bit. but there are plenty of kids to learn from that nobody wants to have in their lives. there are mentor programs galore that need people desperately, kids that need adoption and foster care, schools that need great teachers, and plenty of kids that just need a hug and an encouraging word or an example of what it means to be a compassionate adult.
one of my students found out the other day that i didn't want kids. she said that i had to have kids because i would make such a good father. i told her that wasn't enough of a reason, and she shot back with, "but it's a commandment from god." actually it's not in the big ten. i've never thought that, "because god said so" was a particularly good argument anyway considering how many murders have been committed under that vein of logic. and i'm down with the dharma anyway, so technically everyone has already been my kid at some point back in some other life, so i figure treat everyone like they are my children and i'm covering compassion and the golden rule; so god will probably be ok with my choice.
the only reason as of late that has seemed to have any power was my dad's old argument. i just had to end a relationship with a woman i loved very much because she decided that she wasn't so sure about the no kids thing. that sucked big donkey balls. when i think about it outside of the context of my broken heart, i can see the flaw in this argument. temporary loneliness is not a valid reason to have kids either. settling for a relationship with someone who didn't see eye to eye with me on such a vital issue wouldn't be exactly the basis for a healthy relationship. my sister says i might have to wait it out till i hit the forties, when the choice is gone, but i disagree. the world is full of people after all. |
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| | NexStitch | Dec 8, 2007 6:50pm | | I appreciated your comments on this thread, paralax. I hope you find someone who doesn't want'em either. I know I was lucky enough to find someone like that and I'm sure you will too. |
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